Labels or Love , an age old question?

Labels or Love , an age old question?

By

Reginald Larkin

“Already know what my addiction is ,I be looking for labels. I ain’t looking for love I shop for purses while I walks out the door Don’t cry. buy a bag and get over it And.. I’m not concerned with all the politics It’s a lot of men I know I could find another,” These are the lyrics to Fergie’s , Salaam Remm produced anthem” Labels or Love.” While I find the lyrics rather amusing I must admit that I have never truly been a cynic about love, well except that one awkward black period but I digress.

What I am coming to terms with is like many of my fellow Americans I have become a victim of “Retail Therapy.” For those of you who are not in the know or are not advent “GirlFriends” fan, you may not understand the term “Retail Therapy.” But that is okay that is why I am here, the term “Retail Therapy” simply describes a kind of coping mechanism where one shops for material things to compensate for emotional distress. “Retail Therapy” has always helped me in my time of need after a bad date or tragic birthday. But I don’t write this article to describe my personal horror stories.

I write this article to question whether or not, we’re nation of people who cannot stand on our own? The constant consumption of goods as a means of finding fulfillment can not be healthy, can it? Aunt Rosa once said “you can buy out the mall ,go in debt , what the heck you cant take with you anyways!” While this carefree sentiment should not be taken too literal it does have a valid point. Buying material things to compensate for a lack of genuine relationships stunts ones development as a person. I’m sure we have all just met those “label whores” who lack substance yet have all the latest threads.

Those types of emotionally bankrupt people have failed to form healthy bonds with others. Andrea foot, a wise family friend calls this “Arrested Development,” meaning people who never hit their milestones in life (i.e having a childhood, attending prom etc.) fail to develop into mentally stable adults ,in turn they maintain the mindset of that age where they are stunted for an extended period of time. On a side note I know it sounds like I’m giving a heavy vocabulary lesson but it is integral to the point I am trying to share.

So many people are convinced that they must have the love of others or materials appreciate their own self worth. Filling one’s life full of minutiae will only delay the evadible. There is no crime in loving one self and placing your self first. Realizing that you are a prize is not a bad thing it does not make you “conceited” or “self-centered.” Upholding standreds and sticking to them is probably the thing that will make you that girl/guy who has that extra “vava voom.” Standing your ground and holding to your standards says that you know what makes you happy and you won’t settle for less.

Here is an example; I have a friend who sleeps with men as soon as she meets them with the hopes that she will obtain a boyfriend. What she fails to realize is that sleeping with a man as soon as she meets them sends the message “this is all I have to offer.” There was no trial period he got to take the car off the lot and didn’t even have to pay. Self confidence and love are the best accessories anyone can ever have. After all, someone with “healthy” self – esteem will standout against a crowd of people.

Labels are nice and I love them too, however I also understand that true self - love and confidence are priceless. When you love yourself, there is very little that can be done to make u feel down about yourself. I felt the need to explain that while you may have the vastest wardrobe or most sublime dress, in contrast your greatest accessory can not be bought in stores. The journey to find love is a long and lonely one, but forgetting to bring your friends Self – Esteem and Confidence will make that journey most dreadful.